I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
