There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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