sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
