Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
