soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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