a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
