you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
