the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
