There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
