Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
