never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
