I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
