Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
