just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
