True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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