Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
