she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
