I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
