Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
