Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
