come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
