i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
