I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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