On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
