For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
