Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
