Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
