My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
