so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
