The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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