My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
