Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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