I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just found puke in my bra..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
