I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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