I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
