Yo dont text me then not text me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
