Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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