Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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