I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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