i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
