You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
