I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
