You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
