New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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