Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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