The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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