Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
