everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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