Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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