that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
