That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
