my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
