There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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