I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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